Publisher's Synopsis
In this book you will not find miracles or infallible techniques. In its pages the author tell us how his evolution has been during 25 years in wich he has gone from having a mental illness ( an obsessive disorder with cyclical episodes of major depression ) to health. Above all, this is a radical, absolute and thorough narrative based on true events.FRAGMENTS OF THE BOOKI think that in those two and a half years the mental disorder was serious and very deep. First, I knew that I had an obsessive-compulsive disorder, which revealed itself in me from the first moment my eyes open every morning. I did not have a single moment of peace. Moreover, the obsessive thoughts were ever present. Second, because of the sensations I had. It is not that I lived obsessed but that at the same time I could feel love, or joy, or sadness. Is that, if I remember correctly, the only feeling I had was a huge void, a tremendous uneasiness, an absolute remoteness with respect to everything around me(even with respect to my girlfriend) and a strong sense of loneliness. And I already say that that was a continuous sensation. CHAPTER 2It is not that I began to change my thoughts and try to make them positive. That probably would not have helped me a lot. What I did was to strive with all the energy I had available to stop thinking and leave the dark swirling well of obsessive thoughts. CHAPTER 3 And of course, you can run away from reality for a while, but she is patient and always ends up hunting you. In addition, I still continued to have a strong emotional and cognitive block. CHAPTER 4 I understood that my obsessions, my bad moods or my lack of ability to concentrate were merely reflections of an emotional malfunction. It did not make much sense to try to solve these problems in isolation. I had to try to get to the bottom of it. I had to try to overcome the problems from its roots. I had to free myself emotionally. CHAPTER 7.After years of fighting against my emotions and fleeing from them all, I had to examine myself now and observe. I had to observe and accept. I had to beware of how I reacted emotionally to external provocations. CHAPTER 7After I had that moment of lucidity, I spent a beautiful year and a half. I was still cognitively blocked (that is, I was unable to study), but finally I accepted that at the moment I could not study no matter how hard I tried. That was a great moment of liberation. At last, I accepted my emotions and limitations (not to remain static in that situation) but to start moving forward. CHAPTER 7It is essential to observe that no one knows if mental disorders are genetically inherited, externally acquired or come from emotions that our parents and our environment have transmitted to us. But what I know for a fact is that the brain can become chemically sick. Just like if we feel fear (which is an emotion), this has a chemical reflection in our brain (for example, we produce more adrenaline), a bad emotional configuration can have as a consequence a malfunction of brain chemicals, which make us act abnormal. CHAPTER 9Another immediate consequence of this change in attitude was that I began to feel more intense. In particular, I felt more love. I think it was in those moments when I started to free myself from my psychological blockage. CHAPTER 10. Suddenly, from one moment to another I "noticed" perfectly that a wall collapsed in my mind. I noticed how my thoughts flowed without any hindrance. The thoughts did not bounce back to me, nor did I remain absorbed by watching my reactions. And this change was not a consequence of the medication I was taking and had been taking for eight months with hardly any results. I think it was a change in my mental structure. Anguish and anxiety became less severe and painful. CHAPTER 14
