Buddy System

Much has been made of the complex social arrangements that girls and women navigate, but little scholarly or popular attention has focused on what friendship means to men. Drawing on in-depth interviews with nearly 400 men, therapist and researcher Geoffrey L. Greif takes readers on a guided tour of male friendships, explaining what makes them work, why they are vital to the health of individuals and communities, and how to build the kinds of friendships that can lead to longer and happier lives. Another 120 conversations with women help map the differences in what men and women seek from friendships and what, if anything, men can learn from women's relationships. The guiding feature of the book is Greif's typology of male friendships: he dispels the myth that men don't have friends, showing that men have must, trust, just,and rust friends. A must friend is the best friend a man absolutely must call with earthshaking news. A trust friend is liked and trusted but not necessarily held as close as a must friend.Just friends are casual acquaintances, while rust friends have a long history together and can drift in and out of each other's lives, essentially picking up where they last left off. Understanding the role each of these types of friends play across men's lives reveals fascinating developmental patterns, such as how men cope with stress and conflict, how they seek and offer help, how notions of masculinity shape their relationships (platonic and romantic), and how their friends can keep them active and happy. Through the lively words of men themselves, and detailed profiles of men from their twenties to their nineties, readers may be surprised to find what friendships offer men-as well as their families and communities-and are sure to learn what makes their own relationships tick.

ISBN 0195326423   Pages 304 ISBN13 9780195326420 (What's this?)   Volumes 1 Publisher Oxford University Press Inc   Weight (grammes) 604 Imprint Oxford University Press Inc   Published in New York Format Hardback   Height (mm) 240 Publication date 25 Sep 2008   Width (mm) 167 Library of Congress 2008004182   Spine width (mm) 26 DEWEY 302.34081   Academic level General, Undergraduate DEWEY edition DC22

		Introduction		3
Pt. I		Understanding Men's Friendships		15
1		How Do We Understand Men's Friendships?		17
2		What Do Friendship and Friend Mean?		45
3		So, How Do Friendships Actually Work?		64
4		What Do Men Learn From Their Fathers About Friendships?		95
Pt. II		Understanding Women's Friendships		109
5		Do Women Influence Men's Friendships?		111
6		Do Women Feel the Same About Friends as Do Men?		127
Pt. III		Men's Friendships Across the Decades		161
7		Marty in His 20s: Needing Friends and Family		163
8		Zach in His 30s: Balancing Family, Friends, and Work		171
9		Mal in His 40s: Continuing the Balancing Act		183
10		Mick in His 50s: Needing Friends More Than Ever		192
11		Michael in His 60s: Friendships Shaped by Early Experiences		202
12		Donald in His 70s: Going Strong		211
13		Tom in His 80s: Realizing All His Friends Are Gone		220
14		Fred in His 90s: Thinking Maybe It's in the Genes		228
Pt. IV		Making and Maintaining Friendships		235
15		Men's Fellowship at a Saturday Morning Church Group		237
16		Stepping Up to the Plate With Your Friendships		246
Pt. V		Appendices		261
Appendix A		About the Study		263
Appendix B		Questions for Men's Groups and Classroom Discussion		269
		Notes		273
		More...

"[Greif] has written a wonderfully textured exploration of the diversity of men's friendships through the lifespan...Highly recommended."--Choice

"Greif has taken interviews with 400 men about their friendships, and comes to the conclusion that while, yes, there are differences, a man's friendships can be as deep and lasting as a woman's, and those strong relationships help men have longer and happier lives."--Sacramento Book Review

"Fascinating. Most research simply compares men's and women's friendships and finds men's lacking. Through his adept interviews, Greif does something smarter: he finds out what friendships actually mean to men. He listens to what they say, maps their friendships, and sees them from men's point of view. This is a very useful and timely book!"--Michael Kimmel, PhD, Professor of Sociology, SUNY Stony Brook, and author of Manhood in America

"Any man who would like to enlarge the place of friendship in his life will savor this book. It's no

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